i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
