im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
