So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
vagina is talking i cant
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Randomize
