I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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