i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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