listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
