Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
