I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
