wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My life is pants optional.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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