hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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