my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
