Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
