Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I believe in your delicious
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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