I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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