Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
