i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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