I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
