obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
