Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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