You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
