did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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