dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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