i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
