I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
