last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize