All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
