sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
