I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
