Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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