Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We got so high we made milksteak
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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