hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
