I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
