She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
