Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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