He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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