I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
