you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize