Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
