Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
