I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
two words: eviction party
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
