im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
