capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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