his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm both gender and math confused
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize