My room smells like vodka and shame
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
