My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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