I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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