im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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