cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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