i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
