you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
