They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
