You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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