rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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