Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
