Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's blow job season.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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