Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
