so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
