Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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