At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is the high leading the old right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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