Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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