Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You may now shotgun with the bride
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
