Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
