Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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