Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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