dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize