I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
